Pen on the Desk

There’s a pen sitting in front of me, just laying there on the desk. It’s pocket clip reads “PILOT SUPER GRIP (M)”. I mean, honestly. Who thinks up these ideas for names? It’s a pen. You know, a bog standard writing implement.

Looking at the pen, I cannot see any difference between it and a pen from Tesco. Both have the same amount of ink. Both have the same size and shape of pen body and grip. Both are transparent. Both have a black top, clip, and pushbutton. Both have the same radius of prenib and nib.

So why? Why do companies do this? Who do they employ to write these words? Is there some sort of guru who dubs each revision of pen with its own name? Is there a PILOT SUPER GRIP (S)? I mean, do they have programmers working on little things to crank out random names?

Hey, there’s an idea.

Abstract Ramblings

I love doing abstract ramblings; is there much better? You know, abstract ramblings are great. Really. It’s a time when you get to spout off all the rubbish that’s been cycling around your head on a mauve unicycle, know what I mean? No? Nevermind. They rarely make sense anyway. That’s why it’s abstract.

So while I’m typing all this, I’m acutely aware I don’t seem to HAVE any abstract ramblings at the moment, because I usually do. It’s probably because the only other person capable of listening and then replying is away on holiday at the moment. She’s due back soon though.

Come to think of it, I wonder how she’s getting on. She’s on a youth camp you see, and I have been on one too. For two days, and that was enough. Then again, I was younger then and I hated being away from home. I probably still do, except that I think I’d be able to sleep this time. Anyhoo, she went for two weeks. WEEKS. I mean, that’s a feat of endurance, right?

So, it all really boils down to keeping your mettle. Youth camp is more like a “how long can I stay sane with these really annoying people that seem okay most of the time but now are grating on my nerves and don’t laugh much at my weird jokes” endurance feat.

Oh, and here’s a thought;
What if oranges sprouted legs and began an uprising? What would the public reaction be? What would the newspapers blame it on? Who would get the rap for bipedal oranges with guns?

I mean, come on. How would we protect ourselves? Would one then wonder about other fruits, knowing full well they could be plotting the demise of humankind too?

Most people find it difficult to imagine such strange happenings, but I think it’s quite easy, myself.
Then I prepare for it, just in case.

Just on the offchance, you know.

Stay alert, they could start any time.

Heh, freaked you out a bit there? Looking over your shoulder for menace fruits, were you? Yes? No? Who would admit that they were? I mean, it’s clearly ridiculous.

All the same, I’m going to sleep with a mallet next to me for protection.

Ooh! Or perhaps an old floppy drive which I’m currently tuning into a floppy-firing-cannon (it works, but they only go about 1cm horizontally before flopping (ha ha) to the ground). Everyone knows oranges can’t abide with dusty data storage mechanisms.

Amphibian Size Vs. Happiness theory.

When you read “The Wind in the Willows” you’ll probably get into the story quite well by the time Mr. Toad is getting incarcerated for driving insanely. If you didn’t know, he makes his escape by wearing the clothes of an old washerwoman who is a friend of the daughter of the jailer.

However, the problem is this;
The girl is able to pick him up in her hand when he is despairing of being in jail; yet he escapes with a full-sized washerwoman’s clothes before going on a barge and driving more cars later.

So, I’ve worked out a theory; An amphibian’s emotions are directly proportional to its size. This can be displayed in a graph, where s = size and h = happiness level.

Theory Of Amphibian Happiness/Scale