Time for a ramblerant, methinks! After all, the time doth breach the late hours.
So, first on the delicious menu tonight is Clockwork.
Who invented clockwork? Did he share the same noble background as the Earl Of Sandwich, i.e. was his name the Duke of Clocksbury or something? Was he fat? Was he a thin old guy with a white straggly beard or was he some sort of idiot who did it by mistake? Who ate the afterburner? Why does this sound more and more like an advert for a soap opera? Is Dave really cheating on his girlfriend?
So, moving along: SOY BEANS.
THEY ARE NOT SAPIENT.
OR SOME SORT OF GRAIN.
NO, THEY’RE NOT A TYPE OF HAT MERCHANT EITHER.
Leading me into the happy world of Mario, the delightful Italian drug addict.
So, he runs around is a shiny bright world eating magic mushrooms which make him big and strong so he can fight the giant turtles who have captured a princess. Then, if he eats some sort of herb thing he calls a “fire flower” (more likely cannabis or something) he can shoot fire and make money out of the evil monsters. If he gets so high he can touch the stars, he becomes invincible and very fast.
Just what is this teaching kids? Eat those shiny mushrooms and you can get hit by something which would normally kill you and survive?
Also, why not talk about ballpoint-pens? They’re useful. They’re not orangutans. They happen to be quite good at poetry, given the chance.
Spare a copper for a poor orange guv’nor. Oi’ve got a woife and three kids to support on this. *Man eats the orange*
Besides from that, how about a story? Imma gonna Ad-Lib this one.
Once upon a time, there was a guy called Reggie. He liked to eat carrots. So one day, Reggie got dressed and went to the local grocery shop, where he bought carrots. He went home, and made carrot soup. After he ate the soup, he used the remaining carrots to spring a friend from prison by cleverly hiding a chainsaw inside one of the carrots. These, of course, were magic carrots that could change size with the magic word, “Grunkle”. They had two sizes: Flubberinkins, and Large.
Reggie was caught by the police for malicious carrot-Grunkling with intent to cause ritual disbelief among the righteous followers of Squeck. Squeck was a block of cheese. The police had helmets made of finest bread, and often toasted them by the fire after a hard minute’s work. Then they had sausages for tea. Reggie died in prison. The End.
The moral of that story? STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM CHEESE WORSHIPPING PEOPLE.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we will now perform a test of our emergency warning system.
*BWAEEEEEEE* *WAUMP* *WAUMP* *WAUMP* *BWAEEEEEEE* *SQEUUUEE* *WAUMPWAUMPWAUMP*
Thankyou. We will now perform a test of our not-so-emergencyish warning system.
*zoing*
Thankyou.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Put your tray tables up and your seat back in the full upright position and prepare for impact.
There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?
Right, so now I’m going to play some mario. All dem mushrooms.
